Brandon is the creator of The Drunken Scholar, and a geek culture aficionado. He possesses an unquenchable thirst for finely crafted beers and once drank a mountain dwarf under the table, forever earning him the right to go swimmin' with little hairy women.
Website URL: http://https://twitter.com/drunkenscholar
If you're anything like me a lot of times your brain to mouth filter goes on the fritz...a lot. So to get myself out of trouble, lately I started using curses from my favorite scifi/fantasy sources in place of their RL counterparts. Here is a list of some of my favorites.
Frak - Let's get the big one out of the way early shall we? Of all the scifi programs I've seen in my life no one drops an F-bomb as impressive as the cast of Battlestar Galactica. Not only did the actors know how to deliver the word with conviction, they used it in all manner of colorful ways. It almost makes up for the fact that this is the only curse word they know in the far distant future.
Gorram - This one was an instant classic for me thanks to Joss Whedon and the cast of Firefly. Sometimes when the shiz hits the fan you just want to kick things and give a good Goddamn it! Now you can do it without pissing off any deities and religious mothers. Like BSG, this was one of the only curses that we could understand in the series (the rest were in chinese) but Captain Mal and his crew used it WELL!
Tralk - A lot of sci-fi programs and books like to think up alternatives for the BIG words, but some of the nuances of cursing get left by the wayside. This alternative for calling a woman a whore or slut makes me appreciative of Farscape's writers; not only did they know how to drop an F-Bomb, but thought up a whole curse vocabulary that get's used a LOT in the series. Here are some other honorable mentions from the cult Jim Henson series:
Frell - Another good sci-fi F-Bomb.
Hezmana - An alternative for, "Hell." What in Hezmana do you think you're doing?"
Dren - Means, "shit." Plain and simple. "This piece of Dren will never fly."
Mivonks - This is a good one for testicles. "That stupid Tralk, has him by the Mivonks."
hab sosli' Quch - Klingons may not have translations for Terran curse words, but let's face it. Their language sounds like the whole race needs to line up to have their mouths washed out with soap. This is a particular favorite of mine that means, "Your mother has a smooth forehead." BURN!
So that's the list of my favorites. In all honesty, words are words. It is our society that likes to place taboos on them. I feel that the only way to break this atrocious habit as a society is to blatantly ignore those taboos. Because like Tinkerbell and the homeless, if you ignore taboos they cease to exist...
It's time for the second episode of DEADLIEST WARRIOR: DS EDITION! This round we will pit two childhood mechanoid favorites to see which one is superior: Voltron and the Dino Megazord from MIGHTY MORPHIN' POWER RANGERS. Both are legendary in their own right and today we find out which one reigns supreme!
It looks like John Cusack is going to be Edgar Allen Poe in a movie adaptation of THE RAVEN. Of course it can't be that faithful of an adaptation, because the raven is way too short a poem and takes place in a single room from beginning to end. Though this movie DOES sound pretty good.
"The story is set in the last five days of Poe's life in which he is forced to partner with a detective in search of a serial killer who has kidnapped Poe's fiancé and has gone on a spree of murders that mimics the author's work."
I'm on board with this. I love John Cusack. I love Edgar Allen Poe. And the premise of this movie is intriguing. I'm excited to see how they interpret scenes and concepts from the poem and apply them in this film.
THE RAVEN starts filming in October.
Back when I was in on the Beta of STAR TREK ONLINE, one of the most enjoyable aspects of the game was that you got your own ship and got to participate in space missions. The combat took strategy as well, because you had to monitor your deflector shields and keep repositioning your ship to mitigate the damage and allow your shields to recharge. My only complaint is that flying was kind of cumbersome. But that's the STAR TREK way. In STAR TREK it's more about being a space navy where you pull up next to a ship and pommel the hell out of it than it is about daring aerial maneuvers and dog fighting.
Well a video of the new space combat in STAR WARS: THE OLD REPUBLIC has hit the internet and has me all giddy as a school girl. It looks intense as you chase your quarry through asteroid belts, peppering their flanks with cannon fire. The downside to space combat in TOR is that it's railed, meaning that you won't be able to roam freely across a space map during fighting. But still it looks amazing and I can't wait to chase some Sith in my Republic freighter. Check it out below!
There has always been speculation about what happened to the STAR WARS saga between EMPIRE and JEDI. After EMPIRE's dark and ominous ending in which a mangled Luke and Leia watch Lando and Chewie take flight in search of Han, people expected great things from the final chapter of the epic space opera.
What we got were rabid Care Bears and silly songs.
It's a common opinion shared by die-hards and casual enthusiasts alike that the trilogy peaked at EMPIRE. Ewoks were the Jar-Jar Binks of the original STAR WARS generation. So what happened? After such an epic chapter in the series, why the lukewarm finish? In an interview with the LA TIMES, producer Gary Kurtz, Lucas' partner for the first two films, explained why he left the series, and what the original ending would have been like.
“I could see where things were headed,” Kurtz said. “The toy business began to drive the [Lucasfilm] empire. It’s a shame. They make three times as much on toys as they do on films. It’s natural to make decisions that protect the toy business, but that’s not the best thing for making quality films.”
Kurtz goes on to admit that in the original script in Jedi, Han dies during the Rebel assault on Endor and in the end we see a battered Leia, now a Queen, trying to pick up the pieces and a heavy-hearted Luke walking off into the sunset in spaghetti western fashion.
Now let's take a moment to "ooh" and "aah" over the JEDI that almost was. The idea that the Alliance pays such a heavy price for freedom gained is cool, I'll admit. Watching a battle weary Luke Skywalker walk off into the sunset, forsaking his sister and the galaxy he's fought to protect would have been a poignant and beautiful ending. In the abstract we can curse Lucas for changing JEDI into what it became. After all, what a cool ending, am I right?
We can all sympathize with Kurtz. It's blatantly obvious that the building of the Lucasfilm empire effected George's ability to deliver on story in episodes VI, I, and II. In my opinion he came back from the Dark Side in SITH. But let's take a hard look at the grand scope of the original trilogy. After the shadow that falls in EMPIRE, would you really want that darkness to linger at the end of JEDI? I know we all say EMPIRE was so great because it was dark, but in reality that's not what makes it the best part of the series.
When you look at the original STAR WARS trilogy on a grand scale it's a coming of age story in a galaxy far, far away. Don't believe me? A farm boy, a flagrant smuggler, and a spoiled princess all meet up and are swept into this intergalactic conflict, and their trials and tribulations transform them forever. The farm boy who was desperate for a life of adventure becomes a spiritual mystic on a quest for understanding and peace. A lowlife "scoundrel" learns that some things are worth fighting for, and finds friends along the way that make him believe in something other than himself. And a princess who thinks the whole galaxy revolves around her suddenly realizes how small she really is when her planet is blown up and she wasn't able to do a damn thing to stop it. At which point, she stops playing a leader and becomes one through inner strength and indomitable will.
It's DAWSON'S CREEK with lasers and space ships, people.
Now this comparison is not intended to belittle STAR WARS in any way. But taking this information into account, let's apply it to the story. A group of young people set out on an adventure and are a seemingly unstoppable force (ANH). Flash forward a little time later, and things aren't so bright and shiny; the road has been long and hard and they are different people. They aren't the unstoppable force they thought they were. The farm boy gets his hand cut off, the scoundrel gets gilded in intergalactic pewter, and the princess finally realizes how important said scoundrel is to her right before he is taken away, seemingly forever (ESB).
Now let's stop and analyze and be honest with ourselves. After getting beaten down the way our heroes have up to this point would it really have been better to crush them further? Would it really have worked to have an even darker ending on top of an already shadowed story. Say what you will, but I don't think I would like my STAR WARS experience to bring me down. If I want to feel shitty I can go watch STEEL MAGNOLIAS or CHILDREN OF A LESSER GOD. And I don't care what any of you say, there would have been a riot if Han had died in JEDI. The coolest character in the films, DYING? Endings like that work in novels where an author's narration can provide a reader with greater closure, but you're a masochist if you think this would be a better alternative for JEDI.
For the record, I love Ewoks. JEDI is my first theatrical memory, and looking back I still want to hang out on a Forest Moon with those little fuckers. Is it realistic that they would be able to fight off a superior military force like Imperial Stormtroopers? No, but a sword made out of a concentrated beam of energy that only emits heat when it comes in contact with other matter isn't realistic either. When you get down to it, Ewok tactics and numbers (keep in mind that the Rebels were there too) makes a case that Ewoks < Stormtroopers is actually more plausible than lightsaber technology.
Could Lucas of toned down the cheese? Absolutely. The Ewok involvement was over the top, and the celebration scene at the end could have been done in a way that adults wouldn't be embarrassed to watch it. But that's what it really comes down to, isn't it? Not that Ewoks are stupid, but that they're too kid-friendly and somehow cheapen the STAR WARS experience. Lucas definitely has his problems as storyteller. He focuses more on the visual spectacle than he does on his content. But while his stories could be stronger, fans need to remember the original "wow" factor they experienced and stop letting their adult minds muddy the waters.
Could STAR WARS have been better: YES. But the story as it stands is hardly a failure. And frankly, I'm glad that the JEDI got changed. It's a Space Opera not a Space Shakespearean Tragedy. Give me dancing Care Bears and a luau over victory-at-too-great-a-cost any day.
But enough about me, what do you guys think about the alternative for JEDI?
This December I will have a new BBC obsession. A few days ago I heard that Jamie Bramber of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA was going to star in a new space western series on BBC called OUTCASTS. These images have just been released, and although they don't show us much this description has me curious:
"It's the story of a group of individuals who are given the chance to build a new life on another planet, and across eight episodes, we'll be getting a show that looks like Britain taking a stab at a cross between Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek (the inclusion of BSG's Jamie Bamber in the cast helps with the comparison, certainly).
When the show starts, this group of pioneers will have lost contract with Earth, and all sorts of mysteries will be thrown up. And right now, that's pretty much what we know of the show."
BSG meets TREK? Sign me up. Check out more of the images below.



That title sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, I know. A while ago I heard that baseball player Curt Schilling, R.A. Salvatore, Todd McFarlane, and Ken Rolston, the lead designer on Elder Scrolls: Oblivion had all gotten together to make a new RPG. I remember laughing and thinking to myself, "Wow, that's a motley crew." and then giving the project not a single thought afterwards. While trolling the internet I stumbled across these amazing production stills on that forgotten project, Kingdoms of Alamur: Reckoning, and now I'm very, very intrigued.
KINGDOMS OF ALAMUR: RECKONING promises an open ended environment with epic narrative and as you can see from these images huge weapons and gnarly monsters courtesy of MacFarlane's dark and twisty little mind. Not a whole lot of details have been released, but as you can see from these images and the cinematic teaser below, it looks pretty sweet. What do you guys think?


As TORCHWOOD fans wait in agony for the new season, TORCHWOOD: THE NEW WORLD to begin filming in January, we can't help but speculate on what is in store for Captain Jack, Gwen, and Rhys after the cataclysmic and heart-breaking ending that we got in CHILDREN OF EARTH. Well Russel T. Davies stopped by the Television Critics Association fall press tour to talk about that. With TORCHWOOD's return, Davies promises 6 things that will completely alter the TORCHWOOD experience.
1) There's an event that will take 10 episodes to deal with:
"It's far more complicated than just a monster," Davies said. "I think it's a brilliant idea, and when you hear it, it will make sense and you'll see how big it is. It could hae filled 20 hours."
Fans are used to TORCHWOOD's penchant for big story arcs but nothing that took a whole season to tell. What could Davies and company be planning that could take all 10 episodes of the first season to find closure?
2) In spite of the sad ending in CHILDREN OF EARTH, everyone's moved on:
"He (Jack Harkness) immediately appears. His first appearance in this is running and fighting and being brilliant," said Davies. "Then you'll discover he's carrying all the legacy of that with him, because that would be an awfully dull way to start. That's why you end those shows on that note, because they're ending. We'd never start THE NEW WORLD that way. It's very keen to move on, but at the same time we're going to be absolutely faithful to people who followed Jack's story and to John Barrowman's career. So we acknowledge the past stories while at the same time moving on to new stuff. He was left very dispirited and almost defeated at the end of the last series, which we acknowledge and deal with in a language that will both satisfy old fans and move forward into the future."
It's good to hear that everyone has found closure and is able to move on. While COE's ending was huge, it wouldn't do to start the new series on that dark note, with too many potentially new fans to wrangle into the fold. If they had, the show wold probably end before it really got started. At the same time, it's nice that the writers plan on allowing fans to share on that closure as well.
3) Jack's still an omnisexual horn-dog:
"He can sleep with man, woman, or alien," Davies said. "Yes, absolutely and not just with men. It's important to point out that he's bisexual. The trap you fall into with bisexual men is only having them sleep with men. So it's men and women. You'll see the full range of his appetites, in a really properly done way. It's not just exploitative. We always have done that. Equally, open sexuality has to include everything, and that means have a husband/wife great big crime-fighting team and happily in love. That's there in that. That's brilliant, so you have to include the whole gamut so you can't just say the minority stuff is the important stuff."
One of the things that worried fans about TORCHWOOD moving to Fox (besides unfair cancellation) was that they would tone down Jack's sexual appetites. It's good to see that he will be the same old Jack, because that's one of the things that make him unique.
4) TORCHWOOD is now based in America:
"We're going to be in Los Angeles, but we don't start filming until January, so all of this is very early," Davies said. "That's rare. Everyone else is in Canada. It's very exciting to be actually here. America is the heartland of the story. The story moves city in the U.S., so we have some scenes in Washington, we have some scenes in L.A. It's a very, very fast-paced storyline with a lot of movement. Our intention is absolutely to base ourselves here and work with the best crews and the best actors."
This may upset a lot of fans. I, myself feel a little saddened that we will never again see the spanning shots of Cardiff. But let's be fair here. After the British government tried to wipe TORCHWOOD out in CHILDREN OF EARTH, you can't blame them for picking up camp and moving elsewhere. Would you trust a government that turned on you after you've saved their bacon on several occasions?
5) Gwen and Rhys are back and stronger than ever:
"Gwen, who is the lead woman of the series, has a lovely husband called Rhys, played by Kai Owen, and now a baby between the two of them." said Davies. "So the sight of Gwen Cooper with baby in one arm and a gun in the other is going to be our poster, I hope, because that's just irresistible. I can't imagine Gwen without him (Rhys), and so he's back. He's a very big part of events. By the time this starts it will have been off air for 2 years, I think. We're taking a brand-new audience into consideration. Rhys is now ahead of the game as it were. There are no secrets. They're a team. It's a really lovely thing to write in a storyline is a husband-and-wife team who love each other. They have fun with each other. It's kind of sex. It's kind of sexy in a really unusual way. So I love that coupling. He's right up there with the team."
After watching Rhys sit on the bench for two season it was nice to see him get brought into the fold in CHILDREN OF EARTH. He not only proved to be useful, we watched his relationship with Gwen evolve. Instead of being an awkward piece to the Torchwood puzzle, he fit right in with the team and it's good that they are keeping with that.
6) Torchwood has to work with 2 CIA agents:
"Rex Matheson has yet to be cast yet, because we don't film until January," Davies said. "That character is an entrance into the new story. He's a CIA agent. The fact that TORCHWOOD has been off the air for a while and is also brand-new to a lot of people is actually being used as part of the story in that Rex has no idea what Torchwood is and has to investigate Torchwood. Torchwood was destroyed, disbanded. It's like a legend now. It's something that ceased to exist a long time ago that's spoken of only in whispers. So Rex is drawn into this, has no choice but to be drawn into tis through complications that you will see in the story. Also, he's at the CIA. We also have a watch analyst in the CIA called Esther, who is friends with Rex, but works with Rex's colleagues. The two of them become embroiled in the Torchwood legend and investigate what Torchwood is or was."
It's good to see that they are really taking a new audience into consideration here. Torchwood was great on the BBC and the potential for it on it's new pay network format is astronomical. If they want to be successful they need to hook a whole new audience and it's good that they will use these characters as a bridge to bring new viewers into the TORCHWOOD family of fans.
It looks like TRANSFORMERS is going try its hand at the MMORPG game. Chinese developer NetDragon is developing an online game based on the hit franchise. The good news is that Hasbro has officially signed off on the project, so we don't have to worry about legal entanglements down the road. The bad news is that the game will release initially only in Asia, Russia, the Middle East and North Africa. North America, Western Europe, and Australia are being left out of the release loop for the time being.
Personally, I'm not that interested. While I do like the idea of playing with a Transformer character creator engine, there would have to be major innovation conceptually for this game to work. We're talking an overhaul on the whole MMORPG system (which I admit is needed.) And frankly, the fact that North America and Western Europe are being left out of the target release does not bode well for the quality of the project. What do you guys think?
I won't lie. A couple years ago when I went on my STARGATE SG-1 binge I instantly fell in love with Ben Browder in season 9. I liked his swagger and devil may care attitude. When my STARGATE obsession finally ended, I sought out FARSCAPE and was reintroduced to the Jim Henson puppeteering that made my childhood so magical. Suffice to say, every experience I've had with Browder has been one of absolute joy. He has firmly been locked in as one of my favorite unsung actors, and I will support him in his every endeavor.
Browder's next project will probably have me as hooked like all the rest. NAUGHT FOR HIRE is a web-series, that tells the story of Nick Naught, a private investigator in the year 2030. The series will be light-hearted and in the style of the noiir films of the 1930s. The series will be adapted from the book by John E. Stith and will also star Buff allumn Juliet Landau, DEEP SPACE NINE's Chase Masterson and CLEOPATRA 2525’s Jennifer Sky. The series 13 episodes will be shot this summer, but no release has been announced.
Fantastic. I love sci-fi. I love noir. I love Ben Browder. I'm totally pumped about this project. Sci-fi noir is so far unexplored territory for the small screen (or any screen for that matter), and I can't wait to see the result. What do you guys think?
by Emmett Spain It’s strange the things you think about in the end.
I know the odds of survival for a young man in my position are considered to be quite high. The odds for a man my age? Considerably lower. Somewhere in the area of one in one million, I imagine.
I can’t help but picture one million men—all decked out in the same preposterously bulky suits—stretched out alongside me, trailing out for mile... |

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